Last week in my blog, I talked about how important it was to reconnect with oneself and how your relationship with yourself is the most important one.
It's the one you have to invest in because it will determine the quality of the relationships you have with others, whether these are your co-workers, partners, friends or children.
It's the one that will give you what you want and move you away from expecting from others things things you cannot give to yourself. Ultimately, it's your responsibility FIRST to care for yourself. Not anyone else's.
That's might sound like a hard truth to learn and by the time we realize it, we are often deep into it.
I was lucky enough to learn that at a very young age because my household wasn't always a very happy one and I often had to rely on myself. That lesson was a blessing (yes, I am always the girl with the half-full glass 💪) and it kept me sheltered from that expectation of others. On the other hand, it also left me with very high expectations from myself, which at times comes at a price. More stories about that another time!
Losing track of who we are, of what we love about ourselves, of what brings us joy and of why we are doing what we are doing can have a deep impact on everything around us because that's when we show up with a pale and disappointing version of ourselves.
This is exactly when we start being resentful, bitter, short-tempered and overall frustrated with everything and everyone. Guilty?
And when it comes to being a mother, a partner or a good friend, is that really a version of who we want to be ?
Finding time to love yourself is at the center of self-care and of that love story with yourself. Nurture it, invest in it so you can be brave and authentic.
The biggest challenge here is that most of the time it sounds really attractive, but feels near to impossible.
Our busy schedules keep us locked into a wheel where we lose track of what we want and we end up on a survival mode that creates more anxiety and loneliness than sense of purpose and joy. Mothers out there, you know EXACTLY what I am talking about.
So how can we find time for that ? How can we make it a habit to put ourselves at the center when everything else seems more important ?
💡Here are a few tips I have shared successfully with a lot of my clients and that you can easily start implementing now:
1-Make a list of all the big and small things that make you happy and help you connect with yourself and put a time attached to it.
It can be something simple as having a cup of tea with no interruptions, reading for 30 minutes alone, planning something exciting or going out with friends for dinner. Try to have a wide variety of things that last from 15 minutes to several hours so you can make sure that you plan accordingly.
2- Make that list VISIBLE !!! Stick it on your fridge, put in on your phone screen anywhere where you are reminded of those special places you need to go back to in order to feel alive. Send and post pictures, please....
WAIT! It's not over.
3-This part is the hard one : ASK FOR IT AND IMPOSE IT. No one will give it to you spontaneously, you have to take it. You have to train your children and partner to respect that time. You have to show your family and friends that they need to respect those boundaries. And you have to teach yourself to respect it too.
4-Make it a priority. I will say it again : make it a priority. Treat it as an essential, a vital need. In the same way you take time to eat, to sleep, to hug someone you love, you can find time to do one thing that makes you happy and fills you up. EVERY DAY. Because if you cannot find 20 minutes for yourself during the day, you are not managing your time and your priorities well.
And you might also have issues with setting boundaries : check my free download here which is all about that !
Being unable to make yourself a priority is what will keep you feeling that you are never really being the person you truly are. That you are wasting your life and NEVER GROWING.
So the secret is very simple : 20 minutes every day. Non-negotiable. EVER. And slowly but surely it will become a bigger part of your schedule.
I know it's hard. I know it takes practice. I know it can feel like an impossible task.
But the reward and the feeling of freedom and joy that come with it are immense and none to other.
And isn't that what life is all about?
Take REALLY good care of you this week ! I am watching you...😉
Much love,
Antonia